Baluzzi v. the M.I.F.S.
Because Jessica Gagnon wanted me to; I'm now a blogger.
Police Officer Bri-Bri solemnly walks up a hill.
So, here's my first post...
My name's Dan. I'm socially awkward.
Preface: Every year my college has two film contests, one in the fall and spring. I entered last Fall and won with a film entitled Baiser Grand De Saisie that translates to "Grand Seizure Kiss" I think? Doesn't matter. So...yeah...won that snap like no one's business, we got best film/director/supporting actor (Peter Paluzzi) and smugly sat at our table with all of our trophies surrounding us. Another student who entered the contest (Don't know his name he looks like a bad version of Masi Oka from 'Heroes') stared at us with unwavering fury. For he entered three films that were, technologically impressive, but at the same time bat-shit crazy, like..."Call the police, this smells of Helter Skelter" kind of weirdness.
Needless to say Charles "Masi Oka" Manson didn't win anything, except a complimentary plaque that might as well have "Suck Off Weirdo" inscribed on it. I was pretty happy with the outcome of the contest, it was fun, we filmed it in a day, no biggy fry.
Conflict/Rising Action:More than a year has past since I made Baiser Grand De Saisie (my first film in college). In between then I've made Probable Claus(Trailer), Planes Jets and Locomotives and Treasure Island Redux. While making those, plus working at Circuit City (Rest in Pieces muh fuha!!!) and the normal slew of school work, I completely forgot to enter the Massasoit Film Contest in the Fall. So around the beginning of April I decided to make my way to Mass Communications wing of my school to enquire about the Spring Film Contest. Along the way I see posters that looked a little something like this:
Want to be an actor, filmmaker or screenplay writer?!?
JOIN THE MASSASOIT INDEPENDENT FILM SOCIETY(M.I.F.S)
winner of the Massasoit Film Contest fall 2008
"Wh-The fuck is that shit?" Asks (My fellow filmmaker) Peter Paluzzi when I tell him what I saw. "What happened when you got there?"
It went down like this:
I walk down the hallway, past the radio station, past the M.I.F.S endless posters and into the T.V. studio. The Mass-Comm Mole-men are all huddled around a computer monitor, all runny nosed and geeking out about whatever they may geek out about. I clear my throat and they immediately turn around, and for the first time I'm face to face with the M.I.F.S. Thick horn-rimmed glasses, greasy hair and long finger nails, pimple pop marks and excess ear wax...I had entered the first circle...and Virgil Paluzzi was no where in sight. Within seconds they were upon me...
"WHO arrrre yoooou??what does he want?Are you lost? Have you seen 'Slumdog'? Look at this thing I found! Anime! I.Love.Snickers!"
So I jump back and draw my broad sword and point it at them...
"STAND BACK CREEPOS!"I exclaim with silky smooth sexiness..."I have a few questions I need answered, who's your leader? Who's your Captain M.I.F.S?"
The mole-men then draw back and look amongst themselves, chattering quietly in Mole-talk, then, from the darkness, my question is answered.
"I am the one you seek!" a voice hisses.
Then. All of my fears are made whole as I see the shadows in the corner bend and contort. Slowly I see him, Charles "Masi Oka" Manson emerges from the pit, his eyes still fixed, still bottomless.
"Why are you here?"
I stutter slightly, trying to find the right words beneath my shock at the clockwork of it all.
"I...uh...wanted to find out...about the....Massa...film...con...test..."
the mole-men cackle and howl like a pack of wolves...(As a side thought, a story about Mole-Wolf-Men might be something to consider). Charles "Masi Oka" Manson laughs in his throat and quiets his posse down.
"I know you...You beat me last year...You made a fool of me!...So I created this Society of outcasts who had been thwarted by the likes of you for far too long! We have become more powerful than you could ever imagine to be! You have two choices Ballester, either join us...or Perish!"He roars with all the helium in his lungs; His arms high above his head, easily making him 5 feet tall. I look at the M.I.F.S, hunch backed and grinning, I grab a few entry sheets to the contest and walk out with my head down. I hurry my pace close to a run, but I can still hear their voices, mucus filled laughter that cracks and echoes behind me.
Climax/Falling Action:The score is now tied up, I won once and so did the M.I.F.S.
The only question left unanswered is, who will win it all? On April 27th the M.I.F.S will present their Untitled Horror Flick, along with a Documentary and a Music Video. I will present Probable Clause, Treasure Island Redux and Baiser Grand De Saisie 2.
Fates will be decided. Dreams achieved and destroyed. In the immortal words of Martin Lawrence "This shit just got real" I'll conclude this later. Till then I've posted a few screen shots from Baiser Grand De Saisie 2.
The One-Eyed Hitman is still alive...
Shane Prattley is finally caught by the infamous One-Eyed Hitman.
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